Dear Man With Too Much Cologne,

Next time you bathe in cologne, please refrain from trying on every men's shirt in the store. I prefer to be able to breathe through my nose occasionally. Thanks in advance.
Sincerely, your friendly store clerk

Oh milk chocolate, you're just not enough for me.

I'm the only woman I know who doesn't like milk chocolate. I like dark chocolate. I like white chocolate. I love Hershey's Cookies N' Cream chocolate. I occasionally like milk chocolate if it has stuff in it, like coconut or maple cream (and even then I have this habit of eating whatever is inside and throwing away the chocolate part). But I do not like plain old milk chocolate.
Perhaps there's some faulty wiring in my brain. Or maybe I'm lacking certain types of taste buds that other women have. Maybe I've eaten so many banana peppers in my life that my tongue is permanently damaged.
I have actually been called a boy because of this issue, which is ridiculous. As anyone who has attended a general health class knows, love of milk chocolate is not what classifies someone as a woman. I am not a boy, I assure you.
At least my future children won't have to worry about my raiding their Halloween and Easter candy for chocolate. Only for Razzles and Jawbreakers. They can keep their milk-infused cocoa.

I want brownies.

You know you're Stephanie when...

1. You watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall 5 times in one day.
2. You can't bear the thought of throwing out your acrylic paint-covered jeans from Spirit Week sophomore year, so you take them with you wherever you move.
3. You get scared in the middle of the night by a strange clicking noise, only to realize it's your beloved pet hermit crabs.
4. Your boyfriend buys you hermit crabs for your one year anniversary.
5. You name one of these hermit crabs Turtle.
6. You tell a daddy long leg to please evacuate your screen door immediately, and get frustrated when he doesn't listen.
7. You have a strange addiction to shredding things in your paper shredder.

Welcome to my blog!